Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Running out of Steam

When I applied for the university job a few weeks back, they made it pretty clear that I wouldn't know anything until, possibly, the beginning of the new year. So, I have no reason to be bitching - but I am just dying to know what the story is, as it really impacts what I am doing at work now.

The YA portion of my position requires a fair amount of thought/planning/preparation - this is the part of my job that uses my "progressive nature," and I spend quite a bit of time thinking about "what's next" for YAs here at the library. So, now, the problem becomes this - if I get the job, I will be leaving here pretty quickly, and any plans I make will most likely go directly out the window. There is no budget for YA here (which is just a sad commentary on this town and the library board, as far as I'm concerned), which means that all of the work I have done/tried to do has been frosting, and it most likely will not continue once I leave.

Which makes me sad.

I have tried to continue on as though I will be here next year (at least for a little while), but to be honest, I feel like I've done all I can (afford) to do here. The job will never offer any more hours or money; though this is a decent-sized library serving a decent-sized town, no one is interested in having a REAL YA program here. I'm sick of being poor, and I'm sick of feeling like I'm pissing up a rope, if I may be so eloquent. And the departure of the director has taken the remaining wind out of my sails.

So, yeah, my motivation level has been low, and I just really really really want this new job. I'm ready for something new, something challenging, and something that allows me to pay the freakin' rent. And I feel like if I don't get "the job," I will still be looking to make a change - and that may mean taking a non-library job to make ends meet. Which would just be pitiful.

1 comment:

stephlib said...

I feel for you! I hope you are able to get the university job and maybe you can come back to YA services when a real YA position becomes available.